i've been busy living and more importantly- loving my life. i went to Los Angeles & met awesome people, turned 40, cleaned a bunch of houses, drank a lot of Starbucks & baked some dark chocolate brownies that changed me as a human being.

i'm still processing the Sons of Anarchy Los Angeles fan event. it was such a great weekend. Mark (his wife & family too) and Myra & her DH were so fun and all around awesome. the hotel was top-notch, the whole experience was just awesome. i use that word a lot (overuse it, really) but i can't think of a better word. everyone involved in it and who was there was nothing but fucking cool as shit. i made real friends for life that night and on that trip. i'll never forget it. words don't do it justice.

i turned 40 a week after. i love that i tell people that and they freak out. it's a nice ego stroke for me. it's nice to know that a single gal of a certain age gets told she looks like a teenager by some famous people. that was one fuck of a compliment- i'll tell you.

i've decided to move my work life into self-employment by housecleaning. hard work & stiff muscles are my life. i get such satisfaction from it that being exhausted is worth it. also, i make a lot more money for a lot less work. i like this aspect.

i also love that i rub hater ass bitches the wrong way. hate on. i rarely waste more than a hot minute on people who only want to drag me down to their low, low level. even if i dug a tunnel- i'd still be high & above them. they serve only as a reminder what ingratitude looks like- ugly, trashy & deserving of all the bad Karma that seems to come their way. i wake up grateful every single morning, i know i have an awesome life. i work hard for it.

i can't wait to move, pay off my car, go on vacation somewhere new & exciting and keep on shining. that's the part the haters can't stand- true happiness. i won't pretend i'm always up and happy but when i realize i'm not being myself- i set myself straight and refocus.

Happy 2012, bitches. this is MY year. i'm going to only go up and forward- faster, stronger & better than last year.

and this one time...

i have so many things i should blog about...my fundraiser being a rousing success, being on Twitter while i see these amazing prochoice feminists inspire my ass to be better, the fight for reproductive justice and freedom.  i should and i will. but first:

I AM GOING TO LOS ANGELES TO MEET SOME MOTHERFUCKING COOL ASS PEOPLE FROM SONS OF ANARCHY.

you read that shit right, Kurt Sutter- genius, decided to reward two loyal fans with an all expenses paid trip to LA for a little show love, a little meet & greet. thanks to the generosity of Mark, aka Twisted Shadow, inviting me- i get to be one of the very lucky few. i could write blog after blog about how Twitter changed my life, made me the woman i am today, turned my life around, gave me friends i'll consider so for the rest of my life but i'm going to say it again- i'm the luckiest motherfucking lady on the goddamn planet today. every day i wake up and i CHOOSE gratitude. i choose to find one thing, anything, something and i give thanks. from the heart thanks. it's a struggle and some days i do fail miserably at my task. i forget to remember the gratitude. not for long but it happens. sue me.

Sons of Anarchy is my all time favorite TV show. ever. The Wire? awesome. Twin Peaks? love that shit so hard. Homicide: Life on the Street? fuck yes all day long. Friends? Chandler is my dream dude. but Sons? there is something about this show that i cannot get enough of. the drama, the comedy, the psychotic motherfucking bullshit. more, more, more, give me more. i got sucked in just seeing the AD on a random late night in mid Aug of 2008. a biker show? cool. i'll probably check that shit out. i saw more ads, more commercials, a little teaser here and there. i hit up the Intarwebz (that's what us savvy hot bitches do.) and found SutterInk, Kurt Sutter's blog. i didn't discover Twitter at that point (damnit) but i was EXCITED. this show lived up to every TV expectation a TV addict like me wants in a show to live and call her very own.

i discovered Twitter roughly the same time i was halfway through the 1st SOA season. ooh, i can TWEET about this show? and people will read it? AWESOME. i tweeted, i found like minded motherfuckers and here we all are like 3 yrs later. i hit it off with Mark (@Twisted_Shadow) and we've been tweeps ever since. we don't just have SOA in common. when Sutter announced this fan thing, we both said to each other- hey if i win (yeah right hahahaa!) i'll take you.

well his ass won. and he kept his word on taking me. i'm grateful to him, his understanding wife and the whole Sons of Anarchy world. i can't believe i'm going to turn 40 a week after this whole amazing experience is going to take place. i can't wait. i firmly and truly believe that Sons of Anarchy fans are the BEST FANS EVER. i haven't been proven wrong yet.  i've made a friend in Mark for life- he's not just a tweep but he's a homie.

i expect i'll be dorking it up in LA to the hilarity of many people i've never met. i know that Kurt Sutter is notoriously socially uncomfortable so i hope i don't fuck it up. one of my BFFs upon receiving my news said "You are such a fucking goober. You will totally fuck this up." she's known me since 1982 so she seems fairly confident i will completely fucking goober it up and embarrass myself appropriately. we can only hope the cameras will catch it so the millions of fans can see me being me.

thanks again to Kurt Sutter, Sons of Anarchy, FX, The SOA tweeps, Myra & her husband (the other winner!), all my SOA tweeps and just twitter in fucking general. a special, special thank you and you rock to Mark M. (and his wife, Kimberly!!!!)  you are fucking awesome to give a dorky ass chick like me a spot at your side to experience this awesomeness up close. i'll never forget that, yo.

so yeah, going to LA to meet some SOA peeps and tweeps up close and personal. my mom would be so proud.

my birthday wish.

i'm doing 2 different fundraisers for my upcoming 40th birthday. i turn The Big 4-0 on Nov. 20th and i want to raise at least $400 for each of them. i know we can do this.

Lilith Fund Birthday Wish!

Heifer International Birthday Wish!

the first is a local prochoice abortion fund that provides low-income women with the funds needed to help with their choice.

the 2nd is for the AWESOME Heifer organization. they provide support & help for women and their children & villages. they help women help themselves.

my mom was all about helping those learn to help themselves. i take her belief in social activism, social justice, love & compassion with me on my life's journey. i am going to be 40. i want to celebrate not just my life but LIFE. i am grateful to be ALIVE and happy.

please, please reblog, repost, retweet, post to FB or whatever other social media you can. send it via text, email or by fucking smoke signal. i want to blow this fundraiser out of the water, i want to exceed my every wildest insane dream i could think of for this 40th birthday wish.

i love my life. i love my mom. i love being prochoice.

LET'S FUCKING DO THIS!!!

i miss my mother.

in 1 wk, it will be 9 years since my beloved momma passed from this world to the next plane. i believe she is my "guardian angel" of sorts, she watches over my family and she keeps on eye on us. i don't know how i've come so far in such a long time.

it feels like yesterday.

i will use this week to reflect on the way my momma raised me, what type of woman i am, what type of woman i will be remembered as by others. i hope for 1/10th of the love and respect she had during her life.

i miss my mother

i found an old, original copy of Starhawk's Spiral Dance today. this made my day.

i'm weary, my heart is heavy but i count all my blessings multiple times a day. i never forget who i am, where i come from and what i want from life. i have a heavy heart because i can't control things and that just drives me crazy. i'm worried for things and people. sigh.

Mercury in Retrograde is definitely fucking up with my shit and it's pissing me off. hahaha i gotta get a handle on it. deep breaths, Universe, i take deep breaths...

there is nothing better than family. i love my family. my dad, my sister and her kids are everything to me. i miss my mom, she was the glue that held all of us together when shit went down.

shit's going down and it ain't gonna be pretty or easy. we come out ahead because that is who we are and that's just what we do.

i love the people i choose to let into my life, family or friends. i'm thankful i have friends who are my family, by choice, by a need to belong, people who are my tribe.

i'll never give that or them up. i'll never back down and i'll never back out. i fight til the end. believe that shit.

you fuck with my people, you fuck with me. you don't want to fuck with me. really. you don't want to do it. i have love, faith and truth on my side. we will win and overcome.

my mother would rise from the grave if she could to make sure this fuckery does not stand. well, she's no longer here for it to be so. i will make sure it doesn't happen except on the side of us, the side of right.

believe that, you sonofabitch motherfucking asshole. trust.

this week has been an emotional challenge but i'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. i can't wait for my days off so i can hit the gym in high gear, wash my new wheels (sidebar: SQUEE.) and get shit done around the house.

i've got big plans. big, awesome, ball rocking life changing plans. i can't wait.

i love that i can crank up the iPod, roll down the windows and drive to work with a gorgeous bay view. i get to work and get excited. i work with awesome people. i can't wait to see what life brings every day.

see? this is what happens when you don't act like a bitch ass trick and fuck over friends and backstab. you are rewarded with your Karma. a new amazing job, a new car and friends that continue to rock my socks and make my life full of love. my Karma has blessed me with real love beyond measure and true, lasting friendships with people who don't try to punk me out over a dude. people who don't use me as the means to an end, bitches who crow over their ill-gotten gains or spoils. now that's Karma. Karma really is golden. again, my life is shiny, bright, sunny and fucking better than certain people...i know i'm not sitting at home every night acting like uhhh...a drunk ass fool over a man. AHEM.

i'm off to drink my mocha coconut Frappucino, bask in my M@cbook that was a gift from an amazing human being and remember who i am, where i come from and love my entire life. the bad shit is a speed bump in the big, fun parking lot of life. some bitches are the big ass potholes next to the curb. right where their bitch asses belong...

that's right, get ready for the hater bitches. hahaha

i got a fucking NEW CAR. yep. not no shady ass financed, bullshit, roundabout, fake ass way of getting a new car car, either. i financed a fucking new car like a fucking grownup.

hate on, LRTCDD. haahahahaaaa!!!!!! i love my job, my life, my car, my real friends, my family and most important of all: myself.

i know i'm not gonna fake cry on a real friend's shoulder to use them to steal a man. ahem. i mean, what?

day 1 of 3 days off. i ran errands and treated myself to lunch. i got Starbucks, i got to listen to The Civil Wars kick ass new CD Barton Hollow, i took a walk.

life is awesome. bitches can hate all they want. they can try as hard as they can to convince themselves of love, happiness and of being interesting. sadly, they aren't. desperate, sad, stupid, fat and ugly? definitely. i laugh, i honestly point and LAUGH.

a year ago, i was so in love i let a person who didn't deserve my friendship fool me into it. i thought that since she was his friend, she was my friend. i learned later- that's not true, never was true and she was a big, fat liar of epic proportions. i'm upset i wasted time, MONEY, energy and sympathy on a person of unsympathetic truth. she used me to gain closeness to the person i was in love with, was in love with me and whom i was happy with.

that's ok. i'm getting ready to take a huge, major, uplifting life step tomorrow. i will not only survive, i will TRIUMPH. i will end up higher, better and more happy than ever. a year ago was the opening of my heart to more love and happiness than i ever hoped could be my life. it was just the beginning- not an ending like i feared 6 months ago.

so take that, LRTCDD. what goes around, comes around. yes, yes Karma really is golden. my light shines brighter and more golden than any pathetic attempt you will ever gain or can ever pretend to hope for and strive towards. i will always be above you in all things.

i know the truth. unlike some people...i'm not afraid to be happy, love my life and accept my Karma. i know my light will forever shine.

6 months ago, a huge upheaval occured in my life. a year ago, my entire Universe shifted (for the better) and made me a new person.

i'm thankful. i'm grateful. i'm blessed.

i have days where i forget where i am, where i come from and where i am going. never for long, i don't falter in my path and i always end up right side up. The Universe provides and i remain a faithful believer in Karma and it's unerring patterns.

a few months ago, a person of questionable morals, ethics and virtue attempted to stomp me down by telling me their version of "truth". i was  told to get my life straight by a thing that not even a year before (this time exactly a year ago.) was in the same boat, of sorts, i had/have been in. how the worm turns. i will say this: i'm upward as always.

i don't need a job, car or man to feel successful, important, loved and needed. i have 2 of the 3 and i feel the same today as i did when the ill-given "truth" (ha!) was made.

nothing feels better than knowing that living well is the best revenge. being happy, strong, healthy, cute, fun and awesome is the best revenge. my heart hurts for decisions not made by me that affected my life and i'm learning to accept. acceptance is my lesson to learn this lifetime with patience. i have full confidence i will succeed.

with love, beauty, freedom and truth on my side, how can i not?

things were a lot different...

a year ago. i'm ok with all of it though. c'est la vie. my life is truly awesome. awe-inspiring and never fails to make me thank my lucky stars and The Universe.

a year ago i thought something was going to happen, work out, be awesome and change my life. it did even if it didn't last this time. je ne regret rien...

i regret nothing.

the weather is perfect, my new work sitch is kick ass and life is still movin' on up. i'm like The Jeffersons and shit. i have the most amazing, loving, caring, terrific family. there aren't enough superlatives to describe my friends, to describe their unconditional love. a year ago i was tricked into thinking that some things were one way but truly another. some shit ya gotta learn the hard way. i take the lesson to my heart and remember i'm the better person (in every fucking way) for it.

i love my life.

let me state it again: i love my life.

i thought about writing a blog about Karma and shit but then i realized...nah, i'll leave it in suspense.

what goes around, comes around.

i have my rough days, like everyone else, but goddamn do i LOVE my life. when the going gets rough; i count my blessings. i have too many to enumerate. certain heartaches i am starting to accept for the gift and lesson they are. i will never stop caring or missing. i still miss WP and he'll be dead 10 years in less than 2 wks. The Universe provides me with a wonderful life and i thank Goddess every single day for it. i'm moving on to a new, exciting, interesting chapter of my amazing life. it can only go up from here. the view is pretty fucking fantastic. i don't live a life of fear or anger or bitterness. i have what i want and need, for the most part, and my life kicks ass. it all comes from within, i don't need another person to try to fill in my holes. i am happy being me. i don't need a false sense of love and relationship to pretend i have what i don't.

listening to the new Foo & i hear so many turns of phrase that resonate with me. don't waste change your mind, you're wasting light. you and what army. one of these days. the list goes on while i spend hours plugged in making myself healthy and strong.

my favorite: "and when you said i couldn't give you enough...i started giving you up."

i sure did.

*waves to her Super Deluxe lame stalkers*

nothing to see here. i'm getting it going, working it out and making life happen. i feel free lately. i'm always going to shine and be a better person. WWLD is a new life mantra. i miss my mother. i love my family. i have amazing friends. i am remembering how blessed i am and my life rocks.

hate on, haters. i use it to drive me forward and keep my light shining brighter, longer, harder and better. i can live with, learn from and take my Karma i might have coming. if i've earned it, i'll accept it. i know what i am not, who i am not and i know there's much i haven't ever done...

la la la laaaaaa sometimes i wonder if anyone even reads this stupid non-blog. hahaha well, i mean other than my recent ex boyfriend's current 'girlfriend' (using the term very loosely.) who twitter stalks me obsessively.


did i just say that aloud? oops. my bad.


it's late, i should be asleep but i'm too busy being awesome. that takes up a lot of time when i'm not being jobless, carless, spoiled and living at home for free, bashing people on the internet (ouch!) and laying in my bed watching TV. when i should be "getting my life straight."


cause you know, people who aren't really your friend actually can speak to not only what type of person you are but how you spend your time. which, for the record, isn't always documented in detail on twitter. i'm not that super deluxe fucking ass lame. 


stalk on, Super Deluxe Delusional. i'll delete this in a few days. i'm going to go to Austin, Tx first to not only see Dale Watson but see Dale Watson up close at The Continental Club. ahem. haters gonna hate. i also have several other groovy, enlightened, loving real people to spend my time with instead of Low Rent Trash Can Debbie Downers.

i have a person in my life who makes me ridiculously happy. it makes me feel "schmoopy" for lack of better term. cheesy, dorky, silly are all elements of this feeling. i couldn't ask for a more roundabout way to start a friendship online, much less a relationship. i don't know where it's going but i know where i'm heading.

i believe in Karma. i believe in the simple precept that what goes around, comes around. some call it The Golden Rule : Do Unto Others As You Would Do Unto Them. it's a much older concept but i dig it. i have experienced life remembering to be grateful, thankful and acknowledgement of them. i count my blessings...of which this new relationship is high on the list.

some days i think, i don't have a job, much money or a car. i live with my dad, in a nice house, at 38 and most of my possessions reside in the garage. i'm healthy, loved by so many and i am happy. i don't need anything else...