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Friday, September 09, 2011

a Dear Big D letter of love and affection on this anniversary of my momma's passing...

Dear Big D;

today marks the 9th year since your beloved wife's passing from here to another place. two weeks shy of your 33rd wedding anniversary. i was 30, Sissy was almost 27, Poots was 8 1/2 and BooBoo was 2. you were almost  58. mom was forever "29".

i just want to publicly, for all to see and read, say how much i love you. i miss Mom every single day but i give thanks more than daily i still have YOU. you are my rock, my biggest supporter and you never give up on me. life without Mom is the hardest but knowing i'm not alone makes it the slightest bit easier. no matter how much we argue, disagree or even "fight" i know you will never stop loving me, supporting me and giving a shit.

i have the BEST DAD IN THE WHOLE FUCKING UNIVERSE. i want every single person who stumbles upon this random note to the Universe out there to know that. there is NO better father, dad, daddy and Big D ever. there is no competition, Big D is the hands down winner.

they don't make them like Big D anymore. my BFF Lisa Lisa always says that when we reminisce about "the old days" aka life in Cali when my mom was alive and we lived there. "your parents were one of a kind, Lola." she tells me. i believe that. my parents were two total opposites and yet they were each other's true loves. that is a rare thing under the best of circumstances. i wish they made more Big D's in the world. i hope a lot of my friend's sons turn out to be in the Big D mold. hard working, funny, sociable, big-hearted and able to fucking fix shit that breaks. :) i firmly have the belief there is not a thing my dad can't find some way to fix and if he can't fix it, he knows what's wrong with it at least.

so to my father, my dad, Big D- i just want to take this chance to let the whole fucking internet know you are the BEST. BEST BEST BEST. you might drive ME crazy because our personalities differ but there is no human being walking this Earth i feel is a better and more awesome one than you.

life with my mother is hard but family has always been the center of my life. i know that my momma is here with us in a Spirit form and she is our guardian angel. she looks out for us now like she always has before.

i love you, Big D. xoxoxo <3

(my parents in front of our house Thanksgiving 2000)

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Wednesday, September 07, 2011

it's been a rough week with no end to drama and fuckery in sight. that's ok, i know i've been through much worse and that i can handle it. Friday is the 9th anniversary of my mom's passing from this world to the next. last year i was in such a different place both emotionally and mentally.

i see i can only do for myself. i can't change the past, i can't change anyone. i can only change myself, my reactions and the lessons i choose to learn from experience- both good & bad.

this week is a lesson in patience, understanding and realizing that even if someone doesn't like me doesn't mean i have to care or accept it. i know i must show up, do my best job and i succeed. i learned from the best so i take those lessons to heart today, this week, more than ever. patience hasn't been my strong suit so far and i know it's a skill i have to get and keep.

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