fundraising for an abortion access fund changed my life.

when Dr. Tiller was assassinated in May 2009, i had been on Twitter for about 7-8 months. i was already addicted and had been finding all sorts of really interesting tweeps. the news of his death hit Twitter and instantly i was enraged. i grew up pro-choice. my mother was a feminist and all about "your choice is your business. never let anyone decide how YOU feel." as a mother. she expressed horror at clinic bombing, assassination attempts (i vividly recall the previous shooting Dr. Tiller suffered from.) and general in your face bullshit from the "pro-life" movement.

i have never had an abortion. i was lucky, my mother had that sex talk young, i had no desire to go out and see what all the fuss was about and so i never put myself in a position to have unprotected sex. i've also never been sexually assaulted for which i am grateful every single day when i read stories of survivors. my mother is the reason i am who i am today. pro-choice, feisty, feminist and NEVER afraid to use my voice. especially that last one- using my voice. i use my voice to give voice to those who are afraid to use their own. fear, pain, suffering or even love keeps women from expressing themselves. using your voice means you are a troublemaker and a women who rocks the boat.

being on Twitter has changed my life, see previous blog about that whole story. Twitter brought out the dormant feminist activist, that feisty unafraid woman who tells it how i see it. i have tweeted some of the most admirable of women, fascinating ladies all of them. i could and probably should list them out, a feminist shout-out, a hollaback to all my favorites. just know, if i follow you- i fucking love your ass. famous, celebrity, Texan, comedian, old, young, mother, childfree, local, international. you are all fucking ball rocking amazing and awesome. yes, i love to use adjectives. sue me. at some point when i'm not lazy and packing for a whirlwind trip- i will call you all out one by one, name by name, woman and man.

i am coming up quick on a milestone birthday, the big and "dreaded" 40. i'm supposed to be grown-up or responsible or some shit like that. i decided that because i have so much i don't need or want anything for myself. i am blessed, grateful and better off than most. i decided, hey why don't i pick a "charity" and get motherfuckers to like donate and shit for it for me because i don't need gifts. my life is my gift.

i chose Lilith Fund. lilithfund.org is their website. I wanted something feminist, pro-choice, local and after reading about them- i just knew they were the ones. i made a page for Lilith Fund to fundraise off of and sent out a few tweets. i had decided on a goal of $400. i figured, hey 40 move it over one and you get 400. seemed a little lofty, a little inspirational so i picked it and made the page.

let me just say this... i have never in my whole fucking almost 40 years felt the feminist love like i have for this fundraiser. wow. WOW. i would get an email, burst into happy tears and my heart would feel like it was bursting out of my chest. see, my adjectives and cheesiness. i hit my goal about 2 weeks ago, thanks to a random (not anymore) tweep who saw a RT (retweet) and made the $50 donation that gave me that magic number. total strangers read my little page and supported my birthday wish.

this little fundraiser restored my hope for humanity. it changed my LIFE. i know now i am valued, loved, cared about and admired. people think i'm rad because i made a decision to give back and pay it forward. i feel like these women are like my family. i know i helped some woman make a choice that was best for her. all because i didn't want to wallow in being forty and my mom is dead.

thank you for donating to my birthday wish. thank you to every single person who dug deep in their pockets to make my heart happy. thank you to the National Network of Abortion Funds. thank you to Abortion Funds. most of all, thank you thank you thank you to those amazing women of Lilith Fund. you retweeted every tweet, cheered me on and made me feel like a rockstar. thank you for doing the work you do when i know some days you have no idea how you'll get out of bed and do it one more day.

thank you to my tweeps. you are all my fucking heroines. you are all my fucking favorite. i fucking love all of you. this is my love letter to my feminist and pro-choice tweeps. you make my heart beat love every single minute of my day in my life.

there isn't anything i love more than a Random Act of Kindness. the outpouring of support and give a shit for my Random Act of Kindness- wow. just fucking wow. thank you again.

xoxoxo

a Dear Big D letter of love and affection on this anniversary of my momma's passing...

Dear Big D;

today marks the 9th year since your beloved wife's passing from here to another place. two weeks shy of your 33rd wedding anniversary. i was 30, Sissy was almost 27, Poots was 8 1/2 and BooBoo was 2. you were almost  58. mom was forever "29".

i just want to publicly, for all to see and read, say how much i love you. i miss Mom every single day but i give thanks more than daily i still have YOU. you are my rock, my biggest supporter and you never give up on me. life without Mom is the hardest but knowing i'm not alone makes it the slightest bit easier. no matter how much we argue, disagree or even "fight" i know you will never stop loving me, supporting me and giving a shit.

i have the BEST DAD IN THE WHOLE FUCKING UNIVERSE. i want every single person who stumbles upon this random note to the Universe out there to know that. there is NO better father, dad, daddy and Big D ever. there is no competition, Big D is the hands down winner.

they don't make them like Big D anymore. my BFF Lisa Lisa always says that when we reminisce about "the old days" aka life in Cali when my mom was alive and we lived there. "your parents were one of a kind, Lola." she tells me. i believe that. my parents were two total opposites and yet they were each other's true loves. that is a rare thing under the best of circumstances. i wish they made more Big D's in the world. i hope a lot of my friend's sons turn out to be in the Big D mold. hard working, funny, sociable, big-hearted and able to fucking fix shit that breaks. :) i firmly have the belief there is not a thing my dad can't find some way to fix and if he can't fix it, he knows what's wrong with it at least.

so to my father, my dad, Big D- i just want to take this chance to let the whole fucking internet know you are the BEST. BEST BEST BEST. you might drive ME crazy because our personalities differ but there is no human being walking this Earth i feel is a better and more awesome one than you.

life with my mother is hard but family has always been the center of my life. i know that my momma is here with us in a Spirit form and she is our guardian angel. she looks out for us now like she always has before.

i love you, Big D. xoxoxo <3

(my parents in front of our house Thanksgiving 2000)

i have a person in my life who makes me ridiculously happy. it makes me feel "schmoopy" for lack of better term. cheesy, dorky, silly are all elements of this feeling. i couldn't ask for a more roundabout way to start a friendship online, much less a relationship. i don't know where it's going but i know where i'm heading.

i believe in Karma. i believe in the simple precept that what goes around, comes around. some call it The Golden Rule : Do Unto Others As You Would Do Unto Them. it's a much older concept but i dig it. i have experienced life remembering to be grateful, thankful and acknowledgement of them. i count my blessings...of which this new relationship is high on the list.

some days i think, i don't have a job, much money or a car. i live with my dad, in a nice house, at 38 and most of my possessions reside in the garage. i'm healthy, loved by so many and i am happy. i don't need anything else...